I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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