The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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