tell your sister to shave her snatch
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
