After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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