Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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