What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize