Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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