I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
