i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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