my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink