That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is wine microwaveable?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?