she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.