somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
