I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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