Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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