at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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