when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
