Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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