I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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