the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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