how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
