Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
