he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you made out with another girl for some wings
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
