Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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