Jerry, you need to find god
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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