I'm lost and stupid without you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
