Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
