i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
