so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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