The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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