if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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