Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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