I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
