If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
