Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
