Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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