my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
