So drunk its hurt
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
