i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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