awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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