i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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