just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize