we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
