guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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