The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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