i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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