I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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