Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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