you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize