come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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