You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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