Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
