he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
