Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
