my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
