The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
