My brain says no but my pants say off.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
