is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
