maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
