woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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