I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
